Reply to Telling donor conceived kids about half siblings

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Those saying they have no interest, the point is that your child may feel differently than you and their feelings are the ones that matter.  If you are anything but neutral about whether these genetic relatives could matter, then you are pressuring your child.  Your job is to process your feelings on your own and then be present to support them on whatever journey they prefer to make.

Sperm/egg donor-conceived people have been around long enough now that we can actually ask those who are adults how they feel about it and a high percentage have conflicted feelings about their identity and how they fit into their family and whether genetic relatives are family members.  Many of them have found it very healing to connect to their donors or half-siblings.

The idea that donors should be anonymous is borrowed from the world of adoption, where secrecy and anonymity came from two sources:
1) The practice of adopting indigenous children out to white christian families to “civilize” them (aka erase their native language, religion and culture)
2) A deeply evil woman named Georgia Tann.  Go look her up.

All the research on adoption and donor conception shows that both groups do best when parents are as open and honest as possible.[/quote]

A lot of the adult donor children were not told by their parents about the donor. That was the consensus at the time of how to handle donor conception. The consensus today is to tell the child as early as possible. (And it’s basically impossible for same sex couples not to talk about a donor).

Much of the conflict that today’s donor conceived adults feel is the pain of being lied to by the people they trusted, not the pain of having a genetically related strangers somewhere out there in the world. No one likes being deceived and lied to. It’s a betrayal.

A lot of men cannot handle infertility. I suspect there were a lot of other issues in those adult donor families beyond the secret of their conception. It’s not fair to equate those experiences with the ones of today where you can’t hide your genetic background even if you want to.

If today’s donor children want to seek out their biological donor relatives, they’ll easily be able to. What they won’t be able to do is force these strangers to feel like family.

You are not neutral. No one is.
Take your own advice and don’t pressure other people based on outdated data and your personal beliefs. 
[/quote]

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