Reply to If I wait to tell my parents about my DD's possible diagnosis until after formal diagnosis will it blow up in my face

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a child with ASD who was diagnosed at age 2. We have only told very select people. My parents, in-laws and some of our siblings are not part of the list in the know. 
You don’t have to immediately announce to everyone, especially if they’re not going to be supportive and end up creating more anxiety. [/quote]

OP here. I should mention that my parents live in the area. We see them every week and they babysit from time to time. If DD is diagnosed and begins more therapies we may ask for their help more often. I don't think it will be sustainable to keep the diagnosis (if she gets it) from them long term.[/quote]

[b]Unfortunately, this is why you care. If you didn't need anything from her/them you wouldn't have a problem keeping it to yourself. This is a common problem with adult children of difficult parents when the AD needs varying types of help.[/b]

That said, if you do need the help then after the official diagnosis (if you get it) I would just say: Larla was just diagnosed with ASD, and we are in the process of putting together a strong plan to support her.

If your mom says: Why didn't you tell me before? You just have to be strong here. Kind but firm. Mom, we are finding out way through this as best we can. This is where we are now.

People only needle if you show weakness. It's like with a bully. Bully only bully when they sense weakness.  [/quote]

OP here. I don't agree with this take. My parents are pretty old. They will not be able to help that much longer. My motivation for keeping my parents in my life is that I love them, they absolutely adore DD and there isn't that much time left for them to enjoy this relationship. DH and I both have flexible jobs, and enough money for babysitters. But my parents love taking care of DD right now and I don't see the value of stopping this just so I can keep this diagnosis from my mother to avoid one freak out and possible fight. [/quote].

There's a lot of space between cutting them out of your/Dad's life and what you share with them. Are they going to be taking her to therapies? Even then, ST etc are not just for kids with an ASD diagnosis. Agree with others that you can share what you want.

I am not an open book with my parents because they make a lot of vocal judgments and also get very anxious. I present a "show of strength" facade. They still spend lots of time with my kids because that's something we all value.[/quote]

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