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[quote=Anonymous]I've got kids with SN (oldest is now 20), including anxiety.  There is s difference between helping someone to learn to navigate situations they are uncomfortable with but appropriate and situations where they are not respected and judged. Everyone has to learn how to manage both situations because it's a life skill.

I interpret your DS's position as him not feeling sufficiently supported in the 'hostile' environment.  That you and your DH have provided sufficient buffering and haven't shut down your family.  At this point, it doesn't matter if they understand or not.  If they want a relationship with him, they need to modify their behaviors.  What your DS is asking for is not unreasonable.

My BIL is very much an introvert.  My family, while not large, is a bit rambunctious.  We recognize that not everyone jells with our personalities and it was important to us that BIL feel welcomed.  My sister outlined some strategies/approaches and we had no problem complying.  We also didn't seek him out but welcomed/acknowledged him whenever he showed up.

It's pretty shltty when families push others to 'be more like us' rather than embracing them for who they are.  If my family were unwilling to recognize their impact on my kids, I'd run interference until my family either recognized what they needed to do or I recognized my family wasn't interested in doing so and I'd stop going.[/quote]

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