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[quote=Anonymous]Can I suggest an alternative perspective? How is the way you feel any different from the pressure and responsibility male breadwinners in heterosexual marriages feel? Or single mothers where the children’s father does not pay child support?

When I was first married I out earned my husband significantly. I was making 80-85% of our income. I was also undergoing fertility treatments followed by pregnancy and nursing. For several years I felt like I was responsible for EVERYTHING - the roof over our heads, the food on the table, the life of our child. It was a lot. It was exacerbated by the fact that my MIL was “concerned” about how much I was working and how stressed I seemed. I was stressed. I had friends who stayed home and raised their babies and toddlers while their husband worked for money.

One day it dawned on me that instead of identifying with and being jealous of the women, I actually identified with the bread earner husband. Why did I feel so much stress and pressure when they seemed ok with it?

I think it comes down to expectations. As young women (born before 1990) we probably never imagined we would be a breadwinner. Once I reframed my situation as not unique and one that many men face, it didn’t bother me as much. My husband did eventually make more money, although it will always be less than me. He also picks up a lot of my slack for housework and kid stuff so I can work. In that way our marriage is not much different than most couples we know our age, just that the genders are reversed.

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