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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This would not work for my child. We use methods from "The Explosive Child" and they work well. That book explains really clearly how for certain kids, high rigidity does not work because they just mirror the rigidity back to you and everything is a battle.

On the other hand, passivity/giving in (which is very tempting with really rigid kids) obviously doesn't work either because then the kid runs the show.

So what EC talks about is navigating the space between. It's hard. Holding boundaries with empathy -- hard. Supporting your kid while the find a solution themselves-- hard. There aren't trucks or shortcuts. You're literally teaching a child how to self-regulate, problem solve, be resilient, develop flexibility, etc. How many adults do you know who are great at that? So yeah, it's f***ing hard.[/quote]

Looking at the long view, my oldest has had many challenges in his younger age. ASD/ADHD combo. I used the EC and Kazdin quite a bit, but I often fell into permissive accommodation. I'm fixing that now with much better boundaries and it's working really well. However, I will say that my kid is starting to notice his own triggers and talk through them. He is learning to be calm when angry (maybe after a very brief outburst) which has been modeled to him endlessly for the past seven years. So I can see the effective piece too.

But it is an incredibly hard line to walk. We can't expect to get it right every time. [/quote]

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