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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So the great thing about being a middle child in a dysfunctional family is that you fly under the radar! I made friends fairly easily and frequently was out of the house either playing sports or with friends. I got to observe more positive family dynamics and was exposed to how others lived which really had an impact on me in terms of future mates and ways to live life! [/quote]

I used to say this too, but then when I had kids myself, all the dysfunction came home to roost and I realized the neglect I experienced was just part of the same dysfunction we all dealt with. It is true that I didn't get enmeshed with my parents the same way my siblings did, and that helped me get the distance I needed as an adult. But in the end I still missed out on having a loving or nurturing childhood and it still messed me up.

I have actually lost that ability to make friends easily, too. I discovered that this talent had to do with being a total people pleaser, a skill I learned as a child because my role as the middle child was to be invisible, so I learned to put the needs of others first and lift them up while sacrificing myself. I used this skills to make friends. But as I started unraveling all of this, I stopped people pleasing so much so that I could focus on my own needs that had never been met, and discovered that a lot of my friendships only worked if I was in service to them. When I asked for reciprocity, I was called demanding or needy.

But yeah, for like 15 years I convinced myself that actually being the ignored middle kid had been the thing that saved me from my screwed up family. I was wrong. I'm just screwed up in other ways.[/quote]

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