Reply to I don’t understand how people claim the affair partner is blameless?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It isn’t that they are blameless. It is that the wife often focuses her anger and insecurities on the OW rather than focusing on healing and fixing her self. Attacking laying blame on the OW allows the wife to at least partially lay the blame on someone other than her husband because it is so hard to process the betrayal of someone who claims to love you.

It isn’t conducive to the wife healing and figuring out what she wants or needs to focus on the OW.
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The BW can focus on healing and fixing herself while also having thoughts and feelings about the OW. No one's going to be detached and clinical about someone who was trying to break up their relationship. Additionally, these are primal responses . . . we've evolved to view our mates as prizes to be won (mate poaching) or protected (mate guarding). Understanding our biology and making sure it's working for us and not against us is a much better use of our time than trying to stop people from having completely natural feelings.

It's interesting to me when people get angry or annoyed at strangers who've been cheated on. You can tell if their advice is coming from a place of compassion (e.g."Of course you are understandably upset with the OW but let's focus on your healing and whether your marriage is still working for you") or some kind of internalized misogyny or attempt to justify actions that she knows deep down are crap (all the mean responses we see here regularly). [/quote]

+1[/quote]

Or maybe it is internalized misogyny to blame the other woman rather than the man you are married to. Internalized misogyny is weird that way it is often used to prove opposing views.[/quote]

I was waiting for you to show up.  Lol

Real feminist there, a friend of women  :roll:  :roll: as you go around sleeping with their husbands.[/quote]

Clearly I upset you, not my intention. Look I have never cheated on or with someone married or not and never will, despite offers in my younger pre-married days. I have had to process heartbreak, abuse and misogyny in my life.  The only way out and towards growth is to hold men/partners accountable for their behavior and emotions and learn that some things aren’t on you as a partner. Then you have to figure out if you are willing to trust that person again, or if you are okay with the cheating as long as your needs are getting met (whatever they are).  All of that has nothing to do with the AP.

If you need to throw insults around, attempt to invalidate my opinion and roll your eyes, you do you.  I’m just stating the truth as I have lived it. [/quote]

I don’t know any woman that didn’t have blinding seething rage at a husband when cheating was discovered.  It is quite possible to hate both parties and hold a spouse accountable.  Only on this forum does anyone think men are getting off easy.  And this is whether a woman stays or goes.  Cheaters are scumbags.[/quote]

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