Reply to "Your spouse should handle the ILs" Why?

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Reply to ""Your spouse should handle the ILs" Why? "

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's pretty simple- it's another way of saying [b]the spouse has to be on their spouse's side to support the issue.[/b] Otherwise with really dramatic in-laws- YOU can become the bad guy with no support if they decide to triangulate and are successful. In other words- put your spouse first in your marriage, not between you and your parents.

If you have a drama free family/in-laws, it is a non-issue- but that is far from the majority- thus the reason people state the obvious a lot.[/quote]

OP here. I agree with the overall point you are making, particularly the bolded.

But I don't see why that means I can't speak my own mind or talk directly to the person who is affecting me, or my children.  I can do that....and also know that my spouse will back me up if it comes down to it.  In fact, he will back me up in any situation, that doesn't mean he has to HANDLE every situation.[/quote]

NP. OP, your critical thinking skills are really lacking. Slow down and think this through.

The majority of the posters who are writing on DCUM have already tried, and failed, to work through the issue on their own. That means what we’re seeing on DCUM is people who are having a particularly hard time handling something directly themselves, or through their spouse.

So people aren’t “always” advising posters not to directly address problems with their ILs. What they are advising is, well, given that you’ve tried and failed to resolve the issue by direct communication, leave it for your spouse to handle. This is especially the advice with repeated behavior and repeated (by-now-expected) dynamics. And what we’re saying is, stop butting your head against this issue, drop the rope, and let your spouse deal with his or her parents.[/quote]

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