Reply to How can I explain to good friends who don’t understand SNs why a weekend trip is not possible for my kids

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Reply to "How can I explain to good friends who don’t understand SNs why a weekend trip is not possible for my kids "

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thank you for the replies. My husband is adamant I not share the diagnosis with friends. He says it’s none of their business, it’s deeply personal information that we cannot control once shared, and he doesn’t want judgement, pity, or any sympathy from people who don’t get it. He also doesn’t want the kids being judged. [/quote]

Judging your kids against NT kids is an issue and sets them up for failure. [/quote]

+1. This is a huge red flag that your husband has issues he needs to work through. This has a strong potential to lead to greater problems between you, your husband, and kids. Do you think he’s in denial?[/quote]

Op here. He is frustrated and angry about our kids and their diagnoses. I also have ADHD, as does my mom, and he seems to blame me for our kids and their challenges. He also repeatedly tells me how hard it is for him because me and the kids are all off in lalaland (his perspective) and he’s the only one who he thinks is paying attention to time, schedules, planning, household chores, etc. That is not true, and while I have always struggled with time blindness I try very hard to be attuned to the clock, the schedule we have, etc. He says he feels crazy living with all of us.

And actually I don’t think my friends know, I think they probably just think we are overbearing parents. One friend I see very infrequently and the other is usually socializing when we see each other at larger get togethers and usually pays little attention to what the kids are doing because hers can manage being unsupervised. I have alluded to the fact that our kids have challenging and we are working through issues but haven’t gotten more specific. I just think they do not get it, because their children are NT.  [/quote]

Op. They know. If your kids are not listening, are not eating normally or sitting, are not playing appropriately, are having bathroom issues - girl, they know. And if they don’t know now, they are going to very soon. Their kids are going to tell them. I have a kid with SN and I can spot a SN kid any old time, but I promise you, your friends aren’t confused. Maybe with very little kids you could pass as just having really hard kids, but, even then, most kids aren’t really hard. And they know you are hovering not because it’s your style, but because you have to and they don’t. You’re going to have to get over this one. Your kids are clearly quite impacted right now - doesn’t mean it will always be so - and that’s going to be really obvious to most people. It just is. Accept it. It’s the simple truth.

Your husband needs therapy. His kids aren’t a reflection of him or some status symbol. They’re not being completely NT isn’t some knock on him or something to hide. He needs to get some acceptance and reality. [/quote]

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