Reply to How long did it take to get over /feel somewhat normal after spouse’s affair?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband's affair was 8 or 9 years ago now, and honestly I have no idea when I felt better enough to be somewhat normal because it's not a linear thing, it's two steps forward and one step back, over and over. But the thing is, so is life. You are living your life today, with no guarantee of tomorrow, and if there's not enough good in your marriage to stay today, then it's time for some real contemplation.

FWIW my husband's progress, for lack of a better word, was slow to start, and then slow and steady. I am wary when I hear people say their spouse was immediately remorseful and super duper committed to reconciliation immediately because in my experience humans don't gain new skills overnight. So I would be worried that that's just a show, just a means to an end. A cheater needs to confront their shame and if they were super adept at confronting hard things, they probably wouldn't have had an affair, right? It took my husband months to get into therapy but once he did, he didn't stop. He's grown a lot and continues to grow, and I try to do the same. And because I'm a long-term thinker and have a lot of strength and patience, I was able to stay with the reasonable hope that things/he would continue to improve. None of us has a crystal ball; all we can do is look objectively at our situation and make the best decision for today.

Hang in there, OP. You are still you, living your life, and I hope you have some peace and joy in the midst of the storm you're in.

[/quote]

You waited MONTHS for him to get into therapy??!? [/quote]

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