Reply to Desperate plea for help with my 4 year old DD

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Reply to "Desperate plea for help with my 4 year old DD"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sorry, this is 12:09 again, I wanted to re-read your posts. I thought you said she was falling asleep at 10 or 11, not getting that much sleep. So forget the melatonin rec but I would still check the iron. My nephew was moving around a lot at night and his sleep quality was poor--he was sleeping enough hours but the sleep wasn't restful.

[b]Ignore any of the well-meaning posters suggesting power plays and having "more backbone'. Seriously, this isn't a general parenting topic--most people have no clue what parenting a child like this is like-- and "showing her who's boss" here is only going to make the situation worse.[/b] The only discipline approach scientifically demonstrated to work is positive attention for good behaviors/choices and ignoring undesirable behaviors.

If you were my friend, I would suggest---if you could afford it--an evaluation by one of the highly recommended developmental pediatricians. It will cost around $700 but you will get an answer and a treatment plan from an expert. If you can't afford that, then make an appt with one of the childrens hospital dev pediatricians. They accept insurance but the wait to see them runs at least 6-9 months out. [/quote]

Yes, PP is right. In addition to the PP who said that therapy for you would be good so you stop taking her behavior personally. If she can behave elsewhere, there is something with your dynamic.

I will say, 4yos are tough, especially the girls. My 4.5yo boy picks up on their behavior and I honestly have to hide my laughter when he goes into 'all out tantrum' mode, because I know he got it from the girls at his school.  Seriously they are already forming cliques and telling him 'YOU CAN'T PLAY WITH ME TODAY'.  It is hard to remember, especially with a younger sibling, that they are still young too. But do what you need to do to get through the day and stop walking on eggshells - buy yourself a big dose of apathy and distance, and you'll be much better off. And, as another PP recommended, try bonding with some girl time - go for an overnight just you two - and remind yourself of how 'grown up' she can be without the 1yo around. Ask her questions, engage in conversation, etc.

As for the food - they are so active at 4 that their diet is very important. We eat a lot of high-fat plain greek yogurt, fruit, cheese, nuts, etc. since anything high carb/low fat/low protein/artificial will turn my kids into monsters. Lastly, they need down time even though there is no nap. We use TV to get my 4yo to sit still. PLEASE don't be afraid to do this!!! (FYI his fave new cartoon is phineas and ferb, and you'll fine that it's actually quite amusing.) I'd also make a big deal about how many big girl things she can do because she isn't a baby, like watch TV and play computer games. Get yourself through the day - that is your priority. If you have to do it with constant TV vs. yelling/battling, don't feel like it's a bad option. Because it's not.

Lastly, one of the best things I've figured out with my kids is how to 'reset' them.  When my 4yo is just being a terror (I don't LIKE this, I don't LIKE YOU MOMMY, etc.) I get down to his level and say, 'Are you having a bad day? You seem upset. Can I have a hug?' and give him a hug. We talk for a minute and carry on (I give him a few minutes to compose himself before interacting further).  With my 2yo, it's getting him in the bath or outside that will 'reset' his mood. Can you find her 'reset' trigger?[/quote]

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