Reply to Spouse who never takes my side

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm sorry. I had a horrible labor day weekend fighting over this very thing. My DH and I went up to our weekend house and we passed a woman out walking her dog as we approached our house -- a woman who has been aggressively awful to me (and to other women in our friend group before me). Unfortunately, she is the wife of one of DH's best friends. We were in separate cars (transporting new furniture so needed two cars), him in front of me, and he stopped his car, rolled down the window and greeted her. We fought horribly. I felt he wasn't on my side and didn't have my back.

I don't know what to tell you, but it feels awful. [/quote]

Holy sh!t I have your back on this. I'd be livid. I'd have driven around him and continued on. If he really put himself in your position with her actions toward you, he would follow suit.

We had a really aggressive neighbour situation and my husband CANNOT be the 'bad guy' (ie, make a firm boundary with people/he makes excuses/gives them a million chances) so he would let them pull him in to their drama. I literally had to say to him "Do you want a happy relationship with this **** or with your wife?' and he got it. He got better at reading people/seeing the writing on the wall when you can't make people happy-so that was the benefit.

Same situation with OP and his wife. Some people only cause drama/drag you down. He needs to gain insight on which side he falls under.[/quote]

This could be part of it. In my 20s I'd be at a friend's house telling one of these stories and it would always end up in a misunderstanding. That's what happens a lot of the time at work, where there's confusion about something. It's like my life could really be an episode of Seinfeld, people misread my face all the time, maybe I don't like being the bad guy, but part of my job is that I can't be the bad guy so I can just sit there and smile while you try your way. It doesn't hurt me, I'm paid by the hour. So I'll sit in a meeting and make a suggestion, "well, if this is a discrete data set and we're looking for a shortest path, we could just use doubles Dijkstra have that done in no time" and before I'm finished I'm interrupted by some big name telling me we need some big machine learning algorithm to use up the gpus. So they didn't do it my way, wasted money, sad[/quote]

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