Reply to Irate with older sister surrounding comment made to DD at our mothers funeral

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

I have a maternal family that is full of such women. They love each other to bits, but that doesn't stop them from backstabbing, spreading rumors, making those types of comments, and others along the lines of "you've gained weight", "you need to do something, your daughter is fat", "you're husband is a layabout and does nothing, I don't know why you're still married", etc... MY OWN MOTHER has said all these things to me. And yet she loves me deeply. She cares, but expresses it very offensively.

So... if I go by my own experience, it's not that your sister doesn't care about you. It's that she doesn't show it in a constructive way, and you need to protect yourself and your kids from the worst of her remarks. None of them are dealbreakers, to me, given my own family. But they are reasons to not visit or call very often, and to keep anything from her that would give her ammunition. I rarely divulge our family's problems to my mother, unless it's good news that my mother can breathlessly report to her sisters to one-up them.

[/quote]

This is mostly because you’ve normalized abuse. I’m not saying it to be snarky.

If you’re able to maintain your relationships with these people and you aren’t affected by thei abuse then kudos to you. It’s great you’ve worked this out and I hope you continue to have a good relationship with your mom. [/quote]

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