Reply to My Best Friend Lied To Me...Again

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I worry that confronting her will humiliate her! I recently married and I wonder if this lie is somehow connected to that. In our core group, she and I were the last two single ladies and now I am no longer single. I worry that this has affected her more than she has ever let on.  I love her dearly and I never want to hurt her feelings, but at our age (50's) I feel it's so crazy to be dealing with something like this.  Should I risk embarrassing her and tell her I know she lied or just ignore it and wait for the next lie? [/quote]

Are all the lies related to dating/relationships, or are they about other stuff too?

If it's just about dating, I'd ignore the lies, understanding she is likely feeling insecure and envious on this issue. But I also wouldn't indulge them. I'd temper my reactions to stuff like "I have a secret admirer!" so it's more like "oh that's nice." Then seek to pump her up in other ways -- really celebrate her career victories, praise the meal she made when you came over, tell her how great she looks in her new sweater. Subtly let her know that having a boyfriend/spouse is not the only way for her to have value or get attention, and just ignore the lies until they stop.

But if she lies about all kinds of things, all the time, I'd either say something in the moment about one of her less sensitive lies (like not one related to having a secret admirer, maybe her claiming to have traveled somewhere she hasn't or claiming to know someone she doesn't): "Jessie, I know that's not true. Why are you saying that?" Let her know you know she's lying, give her a chance to correct course. But if she doesn't, I'd distance. Compulsive lying is a really negative trait and the sort of thing that can lead to other problematic behaviors later on (claiming she's sick so you'll do her favors, claiming she's broke so you always pick up the tab). I would not just let that go on without addressing it.[/quote]

OP, please re-read the post above. It's an intelligent and sensitive take that acknowledges your friend is probably genuinely troubled, which is sad, and advises how to deal with that. Probably the best post I've seen on DCUM in years. 
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