Reply to What really is the role of a parent of 21-30

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Using a sports metaphor:

Kid is born through the start of elementary school: You're a player + coach. You're on the field and playing an essential role in the game. Game doesn't happen without you.
Kid is in elementary school through middle school: You're the coach only - not on the field. You call some plays but you trust that your kid is learning how to make their own decisions. You support them when things don't go well and intervene on their behalf if things get wild.
Kid is in high school: You're the athletic trainer and your kid is the coach/player. They are starting to make bigger decisions about their life and you are now one of many influences. Your job is to help them prepare for and recover from the big and little things. 
Kid is in college: You're a mentor and maybe a booster. 
Kid is post-college: You're a cheerleader. That's it. It's important work, but your coaching, playing, and training days are done. [/quote]

Should you be more than a cheerleader if there is still some type of financial dependency? The $$ support part muddles my thinking role wise. [/quote]

PP here. Half of DCUM will roast me and they're welcome to have their own opinions here...but no, post college financial support should not be part of your regular relationship with your adult child. A safety net for emergencies? Sure. Paying their rent while they go to grad school in an expensive city? No.

You should be a cheerleader with a credit card frozen in a block of ice that can be thawed in cases of medical emergency. That's clunky to write though. [/quote]

I know people who sold plasma to make it through medical school and had sugar daddies to make it through law schools. If you can, help your grad/professional students with rent. There is no glory in making them suffer unnecessarily.[/quote]

I agree and am not saying that you should sit by smugly and let your child suffer. There is a difference between being a guarantor on their first lease because they don't have the 3x months rent in savings or a really high first salary to get the lease on their own (but they have made the budget and will be able to cover the actual monthly expenses) vs. paying 100% of their rent for years at a time. If they need that much financial support, then they need to move home or somewhere cheaper. 
They, like every adult, need to learn how to budget, live within their means, and occasionally go without something they cannot really afford but would like to have/do. [/quote]

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