Reply to husband as "junior partner" in childrearing

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]These whine-fests are never ending. Have you never left your children at home for a weekend with your husband in charge? If not, why not? When you arrive home and all the kids are accounted for and no one had to go to the ER, it’s all good. His way might not be YOUR way, but isn’t that okay? To the super planners who posted…You need a “plan” to go out to dinner? What’s the problem with, “Kids, grab your coats, we are going out for dinner tonight.”[/quote]

It’s like: I arrive home after a night out and its 9pm and kid hasn’t eaten dinner and DH is expecting me to make it.

Or I arrive home and its 10pm and kid isn’t in bed (guess who gets to handle the fallout)

Or I arrive home and there are dishes everywhere that nobody else will do.

[/quote]

Just go to bed.[/quote]

So it's like a game of chicken as to who's willing to neglect the children the most?[/quote]

No, he will eventually do it, and your children will not starve to death.

Do you have an anxiety disorder?[/quote]

Why would you think he will do it, if he hasn't and it's 9 PM? Clearly he's not going to do it or he would have done it already.

Honestly the only solution for this is drawing some very hard lines and having blowout fights until he grows up or you divorce.[/quote]

Also, if you are actually an engaged parent, you know that there are some tried and true things that help make sure kids are well behaved and easier to deal with. Getting enough sleep and eating on time. Having a consistent schedule. These are not just things uptight, rigid parents do because they "have anxiety" or whatever. These are things good parents do to make everything else easier. Take care of your kids' basic needs are met. Then you can be spontaneous, relaxed, etc. But first make sure kids aren't hungry, tired, or freaking out because they have no idea what is going on in their lives or what happens next.

The reason the mom in this situation will go ahead and get the kid dinner and put him to bed is not because she's "controlling" or "anxious." It's because she knows that the kid who eats dinner at 9:30 and goes to bed at 11 is liable to wake up at a weird time in a bad mood, be an enormous pain for the next 24 hours, and throw everything else off. So she does her husband's tasks for him so that her next day can be a little less painful.

The reason a lot of dad's will do stuff like let kids stay up super late, feed them junk food at weird times, or do "spontaneous" outings that totally throw off their schedules is because they are, in fact, the junior partner. They don't view themselves as responsible for keeping things running smoothly, so they have no issues doing things that are bound to throw everything out of whack since they won't be the ones who have to rein it back in.

It's easy to be the fun, relaxed parent when you don't deal with the consequences for not doing basic aspects of parenting in a responsible way.[/quote]

All of this! And then you end up with the fun dad/boring mom dynamic because the dad is hogging all the schedule and food and budget deviations for himself and the mom's having to pick up the pieces.

Men are the junior partner because they want to be.[/quote]

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