Reply to Husband is hesitant to have kids and I don't know what to do

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is OP. Thank you for the many kind replies.

My husband loves me and I’m certain that if I gave him an ultimatum or even just voiced my fears directly that he would give me what I want and agree to try. I know he would do that. He would do anything, literally anything, not to lose me.

[b]But we both lose if I do that, don’t we? I guess I get the kid (maybe), but I have a co parent who doesn’t really want to be one. [/b] Or we spend years trying and my heart breaks as we do and all the while my husband secretly holds his breath and feels relief with every "not pregnant" test result or miscarriage. I think that would kill me. I just want him to want to build a family with me.

I guess I could take the gamble that once we have the baby and it’s real that he’ll fall in love with our child and be excited about fatherhood. That’s a hell of a risk though.

He has one close friend and one brother who have young kids. I don’t think proximity to them has helped or will help. The brother’s kids have varying degrees of scary health situations resulting from premature births. The kids are okay but my brother in law and his wife have really been through it. I’m sure that contributes to my husband’s hesitations. 
[/quote]

I mean, no.  DH was more hesitant than me about becoming parents (always willing to push it back one more year or one more big trip) and he's 100% obsessed with DD now.  He was smitten from birth and is an amazing, hands on dad.

You are saying that your DH is "not sure" but reacting as if he's 100% no, and not just no but he'll hold it against you if he has to compromise his no.  Both of these positions cannot be true.  If he's 100% no: get divorced.  If he's not sure, you cannot treat having conversations as you steamrolling him.  His feelings are valid, BUT SO ARE YOURS.  Stop acting like the fact that you feel differently is some kind of abuse you're subjecting him to, especially since he lied to you and said he wanted kids to get you to commit to a life with him.  [/quote]

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