Reply to BIL/kids visiting for Thanksgiving; grandparents don’t want to bow out to a hotel

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ooh, this is tough. You are doing all the right things but DCUM is going to come for you telling you to respect your elders or some nonsense. I would want to host in my house as per plan. [b]It really blows my mind when parents can't let their (adult) kids do things without them.[/b]

Could you see if cousin/fiancee would be willing to stay in the hotel? If they are young, they might like a few free nights in a hotel (assuming you're willing to pay for the hotel regardless of who stays there).[/quote]

This is one of my main take aways from watching my inlaws work.  They never "allow" my Dh and his sister to just spend time the 2 of them, and it's hindered their relationship in some major ways.  If my DH and his sister makes plans, his parents MUST be invited 100% of the time.  If they aren't invited and they hear about it, they'll just show up or assume they can come.  It's annoying because it changes the dynamic.  And of course they will be the first to complain if we aren't doing something they want to do or eating the food they way they want to etc.  [/quote]

My parents sometimes try this with my siblings and I but we just say we want a special sibling outing and we just…do what we want to do. There is no “must,” surely you can see that. If your husband and his sister are mealy-mouthed ninnies who can’t deal with occasionally disappointing Mommy and Daddy, that’s on them. Once my parents saw that their guilt trips and passive aggressive hinting weren’t getting them anywhere, they stopped.

Also, people can only find out about plans if someone tells them, or feels the need to crow on social media (and even with social media, you can simply adjust your privacy settings). Do you get it?

Your husband and his sister need to grow up. Maybe then they can hang out like real adults.[/quote]

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