Reply to Parents have reached crisis mode. Feeling overwhelmed

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Nobody "needs" to be in a nursing home, as many posters say. Your parents made their choice. Why can you not just leave them to it? As long as they are not driving and are not harming others, why can't they just live the way they are in peace? Might they both fall and die over the course of 5 days because neither can get up? Possibly. Might they screw up their medications and die of heart failure? Yes. If that's they way they choose to go, so what? Seriously. What is that worse than eating up resources dying a slow, useless, painful death in a nursing home? This is what my mother is doing, because my older sisters wouldn't drop the issue until my parents finally relented. My father died two years later, and 18 of those months was in a delirium in a hospital bed. Now, my mother lives in memory care and says she wishes she were dead every day. They would have been better off falling down the stairs going out the way they wished. The nursing care industry is a racket.[/quote]

I get what you’re saying. I would not want to die in a state run nursing home either, but wouldn’t it be inhumane to leave them to starve in their house alone, him not being able to even go to the bathroom without help, and her with dementia and unable to care for herself? I think a quick passing from a heart attack or sudden fall sounds merciful but that is different from starving to death slowly.

we will try to insist that their doctor order hospice care for my dad. We are going to ask the doc to hospitalize both of them. So far social services has not called despite the doctor saying they should be in touch in 24 hours, so we will start calling other agencies.

I am getting ready to go down to relieve my brother so will probably not have time to reply but I really appreciate everyone’s input. This sucks and I sure as heck do not want to do this to my own kids.
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If you want insurance or Medicare to pay you can’t just have a doctor magically hospitalize them. There has to be an acute injury or acute illness. I think the poster who said wait it out and see what happens is right. Cruel as it sounds. Once you become involved there is no backing out. I would much rather die from a fall or dehydration in my house than spend years in a Medicare/Medicaid memory care bed. [/quote]

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