Reply to SIL and dad’s funeral

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "SIL and dad’s funeral"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I'm a "you just show up" kind of person also. I believe in it. It matters to me to be there and I believe it matters to the people who see you there.

That said, I realize not everyone agrees w/ me. People grieve differently. People aren't taught how to handle grief, or to be there for someone who is grieving. People don't know what to do. People who genuinely want to help but are paralyzed by not knowing how to may make tentative overtures but be easily turned aside. So a "how are you/how are you doing" might be a significant effort from someone, but if met w/ a cool or limited response, then they might shut down.

So, just in defense of your SIL, is it possible that she:
- tried to reach you right away but you never returned the call
- feels like she tried more than once to open up the subject, see how you're doing, but you didn't really pick up the ball or continue the conversation 
- feels like maybe you're not interested in talking w/ her about this
- feels like maybe she's not as close to you as she thought because you seem not to want to talk with her
- is someone who tries to personally reach out, rather than sending fruit or a card, because she feels a more personal connection w/ you

I'm not making excuses - just trying to show a possible alternate mindset. I agree w/ other posters who said that you may feel differently about this in time. I also think that if you value the friendship w/ her it's worth a little honestly. "Hey, can we talk? I've been kind of a mess following my dad's death..." and then just see what happens. I guess I'm just saying to give her a chance. People really struggle with death in all kinds of ways, including the very basic things of just showing up or sending a card.

And I'm very sorry for your loss. Losing parents changes the shape of things in the world and it takes a while to recover/adjust/recalibrate. Be kind to yourself and extend as much mercy to others as you can while you're grieving.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics