Reply to Husband says I’m bossing him around. Help?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]After our first child was born, my husband went through a phase where he said “I feel like I work for you, and my boss is always annoyed with me.” I told him, as nicely as I could, that if he actually did his job (ie participated fully in parenting instead of sullenly acting like I imposed this child on his sweet bachelor lifestyle), his “boss” would cool it and we’d all get along better.

For real, men who accuse women of nagging are just using the trope of the nagging wife to escape doing their fair share. It’s one of a thousand tools in the “getting out of doing stuff” patriarchy toolkit. Some of the others:

-Just being weirdly bad at cleaning and other household tasks
-Saying they’ll do something and then procrastinating/forgetting until someone else does it
-Disappearing! There’s a dirty diaper and then *poof* where did he go?

As children, women are taught to take care of people and smooth out their emotions for others. Men are taught to do this. My husband is a good guy but he will still lean on this shit to escape doing things because it’s been working for dudes forever.

I resolve it by bringing it up, clearly outlining how it is childish and irresponsible behavior for a full grown adult, and then saying I won’t put up with it. I’m not going to say “don’t let him get away with it!” because I hate when women tell other women that the answer to misogyny is for women to work harder/do better. But I will say that you deserve better, your husband is being a tool, and he needs to be reminded regularly that you aren’t his mother or his maid. In fact, I have a saying I use often with everyone in my family: “Not the maid!” I don’t even ask them to do stuff, I just loudly announce I’m not the maid and they know by now that means they need to look around and figure out what they can do to clean up, then do it.[/quote]

+100000 [/quote]

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