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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m in the “crisis” phase of arranging in home care for parents who have lived in denial for years. Dad is now severely debilitated; mom more capable but *cannot* care for him at the level he needs. They are significantly lucky in that they/we have assets/money.

I live far away and my main goal is to get something stable in place. What is the most reliable way to get consistent care in the home?

There are agencies, but one aide company has so far failed to find us a live-in aide, I think because my dad needs more care than they really want to deal with. I called a private nursing place, but they are cobbling together shifts of various people and it seems like, for the long term, this may not be the best, plus what if the nurse fails to show?

Are there live-in LP nurses? Or any home services that, if someone can’t come, they send a replacement? I know we are lucky to have money to have this be an option, but so far care at home seems very difficult to arrange even if they money is there. I want to respect my parents’ desire for at home care but is this even feasible? How do people arrange it?

[/quote]

I always thought that home care was the best, most logical option.

Once my father started to decline, it became obvious that an assisted living facility was the only practical option for non-wealthy people with some money and no in-town close relatives without full-time jobs.

If one relative has no work outside the home or can quit work and manage the home care, keeping parents at home can work.

But you need an adult with a lot of free time or a butler, housekeeper or care manager to oversee the care if a relative can’t do that.

So, the actual cost of home care for a family without a spare relative to manage the care is much higher than the ALF cost.

And, as annoying as an ALF might be, it’s much better equipped to handle problems than relatives without nursing experience will be.

I slept in my father’s ALF room for a week when he was dying, and the ALF people were simply much better at feeding my father, bathing him, dressing him, etc. than I would have been. I know that many people manage home care for relatives, but there are also a lot of people who run marathons. A lot of us are not natural fits for doing things like that. [/quote]

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