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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Are you saying that DH is too literal and it is exhausting, OP?  If so, I hear you.  DH and all of his family are entirely this way - their communication skills are basically non-existent, and they look for loopholes.  I am certain there is a name for it.  You learn to be overly specific, without being condescending, and without giving them anything to find fault about. Be precise and to the point.

Some people just like to argue/be right/like drama/be snarky or mean - add stubborn, and wow, good times.  And yes, it is exhausting. It is what they are accustomed to, and it sucks. [/quote]

OP here and YES. Everything you wrote especially the literal and loophole parts. Maybe there is one of those compound words in German to describe it. And yes, it is exhausting. I am beat down and feel so low.[/quote]

PP here.  So sorry to hear - you are not alone.  DH's whole family "communicates" (not really) that way.  As you can imagine, his elderly parents are quite snarky, but think that they are funny - I find it rude. As if they are trying to outperform each other, instead of just being pleasant, nice, kind, warm....

You have to be short and sweet in your expectations, otherwise DH will try to say that you handled the situation in a negative fashion - they are all about deflection and denial. It is very important to them to blame the other person. I have never once in many decades heard the IL's admit - "wow, you have an excellent point, maybe I was wrong, I apologize....." Nothing like that, so don't wait for that to happen, because it will not.

My side grew up communicative and direct, so it is an enormous difference. Maybe try leading by example?  When I am short and sweet, I can tell DH is itching for an argument (to be right, really), but I leave him nothing to argue about - he ends up being speechless, which is nice once in a while. 
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