Reply to Borderline Personality

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We more often see the bipolar, borderline or ASD person develop negative coping mechanisms that are narcissism. Such as flying off the handle at others, being rude all the time, calling others crazy if someone makes a comment, gaslighting galore, etc.

The higher empathy and higher functioning people take longer to realize their partner has serious issues a maladaptive behaviors. They give the benefit of the doubt for too long and pick up all the slack for too long. Then get worn down. Or resentful. Or start telling others the truth about their partner (often get therapy to figure it what on earth is going on, and how to cope).

Then they really realize they are partnered with a sinking ship and need to save themselves. [/quote]

Agree people with personality disorders or untreated ASD or severe ADHD develop maladaptive behaviors that can really harm partners. Disagree that this is "narcissism." It can depend and there may be overlapping symptoms (people with ASD often lack empathy, which is a hallmark of narcissism, so a high functioning person with ASD might be indistinguishable from someone with NPD). But there are people with BPD who actually have high empathy, but lack emotional regulation and can entrap people in a codependent cycle because they don't know how to take ownership over their own feelings, or manage them in a productive way. There's a huge range of outcomes here.

It's also true that people prone to codependency are often drawn to people with these issues (raises hand). If you grew up in a home with an NPD or BPD parent, you may view your ability to accommodate and enable those behaviors as a beneficial skill, and seek out people who demand the same things of you because you don't know how else to function in a relationship. You also might have a mix of relationships, some with people with BPD/NPD that mimic family patterns where your codependency is seen (by them) as positive, and others with people who don't have personality disorders where your codependency will be viewed as a problem to be fixed, because those people will not seek to exploit your enabling behaviors.

It's all very complicated and there isn't one way this goes. [/quote]

very insightful, thanks[/quote]

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