Reply to Borderline Personality

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Who your spouse is hasn’t changed.  They are just now diagnosed and can learn a little more about themselves and receive treatment.

Whether or not your marriage survives kind of depends.  Borderlines typically marry narcissists. It’s likely that as your spouse gets more mentally healthy and their self esteem improves, they won’t put up with your crap anymore.  You will both have to change for the arraign to work.  
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?? what? no, borderlines marry people who will tolerate their sh*t. the opposite of a narcissist. a partner to a borderline is much more likely to be passive and codependent, taken in by the borderline’s strong personality when it’s a positive, and then willing to subsume themselves to avoid triggering the borderline’s bad side. another pairing that works is a very emotionally obtuse man who just doesn’t care about the borderline’s antics (and lets the borderline wreak havoc on kids/stepkids/ILs.)

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I don’t know what to tell you.  Borderline/narcissist is a classic pairing.

This is a good description of why:
https://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2007/01/borderline.html
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I am the child of a parent who has BPD or is a narcissist or some combination of them. I can see how a BPD and NPD could be attracted and get together. They are both likely to love bomb and ride high on another person showering them with affection. But it also seems like a relationship doomed to extreme conflict and abuse as while the courtship seems compatible, the long term prospects seem uniquely destructive. As the narcissist withholds/becomes aloof, the BPD starts to lose their GD mind and blow up. God save the children of parents like that. My mom was generous enough to only bring alcoholism into the equation with her remarriage, not another full blown personality disorder. [/quote]

I am the child of a high-conflict BPD and NPD. I survived my tumultuous and abusive childhood and am thriving with the help of CBT and a lot of work on myself. I have been in a stable marriage for 20+ years and do not exhibit the emotional disregulation of my parents.

However, I do have C-PTSD and I am "triggered" by certain sounds, movements, situations.

It has been my life's work to calm down my central nervous system. [/quote]

This is me too.

It takes a lot of time and energy not to repeat the pattern and not to be suspicious and hyper vigilant.

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