Reply to DD leaving for college soon: can we repair our relationship before she leaves?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You are making some big assumptions. You assume she's going to struggle. I THRIVED once I left my parents' home. You assume she'll have nobody to lean on when (if) she struggles, but what you mean is that she won't bring her struggles to YOU - presumably she has relationships with other people she can turn to.

My mom thought she was an excellent, warm, caring parent. In reality she was suffocating, passive-aggressive, and manipulative. I completely flourished once I was out of her clutches. She died two years ago still not understanding why I held her at a distance, but I was so much more mentally healthy once I did.

Stop pushing for what you want. Send your DD care packages at school with her fave snacks from home, and maybe a giftcard to places local to her. Ask how school's going and what she's liking in the classes she takes. Listen more than you talk. Absorb more than you give advice. Back off. You can't force a relationship with someone who doesn't want one.[/quote]

Did you ever try to speak to her? Or just hold it all in and hold it against her? Because I"m not sure the latter was super helpful if so. And I came from what you describe, and WORSE (abuse). So, yeah, I know what i speak of. [/quote]

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