Reply to How do you drop the rope when you have SN kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is OP - so you just do everything? How do you deal with the resentment and stay married? He told me the other day he’s so proud that he’s an amazing husband and father and I just stood there stunned that his bar for himself is apparently on the floor. I have contemplated divorce in the past but won’t because of the kids. I have told him multiple times how unfair I find all of this and how lonely and I guess he thinks that’s fine? [/quote]

What do you mean by everything? Coordinating school, medical appointments and therapy while I’m working.  Yes.  And like you, my husband occasionally takes our SN or NT kid to an appointment but it’s rare.  I had lots of resentment for years and then we had a few major situations in the teen years that threw us into crisis mode.  I kind of realized how I want to be the one with the primary control on all of this.  While I want him helping more, it’s really hard when you aren’t at something, you don’t know what’s going on and you are trying to give an update to determine if hospitalization is needed.

So you do what you can, you let a lot slide, outsource everything you can afford and realize some things can be let go and life will be okay.  [/quote]

I think I suck at outsourcing. I have tried a variety of things and they just don’t work. I can’t seem to find a way to send out laundry that works and stuff comes back ok. We’ve tried a couple times. I have tried getting more child care but it’s such a struggle to get one child to accept a new caregiver that they tend to be unwilling to work through it. I have at times hired babysitters for the one child who will tolerate it. I should do that more now that both kids have a ton going on. But it doesn’t help with the random appointment at 11:15 on a Wednesday 30 minutes away that gets scheduled because one kid needs an urgent adjustment to medical equipment and you have to take the first appointment you can get. It’s that stuff that’s killing me. [/quote]

You quoted me.  We don’t outsource laundry but I stopped separating anything.  That’s right, it all gets dumped in together and then thrown in a dryer or hung on a drying rack.  Nothing is ironed.  I don’t even fold it all.  If it needs ironing, I didn’t buy it.  As for the occasional dress shirt or clothes we rarely wear, dry clean.

The appointments and kids are harder.  My life got significantly easier when they were old enough to stay home alone.   There were times when they couldn’t be left when my one was going through a really bad period and needed someone here 24/7 but that wasn’t forever.  When they were little it was really hard, I’m sorry. [/quote]

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