Reply to How do you drop the rope when you have SN kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is OP - so you just do everything? How do you deal with the resentment and stay married? [b]He told me the other day he’s so proud that he’s an amazing husband and father and I just stood there stunned that his bar for himself is apparently on the floor[/b]. I have contemplated divorce in the past but won’t because of the kids. I have told him multiple times how unfair I find all of this and how lonely and I guess he thinks that’s fine? [/quote]

I’d be quick to call out this BS.  I like the PPs idea of color coding everything.  I’d also give him one job—make it a good one.  Like following up on insurance claims.  You know where you’re on hold for 45min and they finally pick up just as you are starting a meeting at work.  I’d tell him what needs to happen with a deadline and the consequence of it not happening.  Then I’d give him the stack of papers and let him know I’ll check in with him next week.  It sucks but I’d manage him like I manage my staff.

At the very least I’d want acknowledgment of all that I do.  I’d want to drive home the point that it is mentally taxing, tedious, and requires keeping track of multiple things.  One thing I like to ask is if I was hit by a car tomorrow how would you continue to support our child.  If the answer is I don’t know then he needs to step up and be a parent to his kid.[/quote]

So I laughed when I read this because this is one of the things I have asked him to do. Guess what? It just doesn’t happen. We have not been reimbursed thousands and thousands of dollars we are entitled to. Because we are comfortable  financially and it doesn’t actually affect the kids I just try not to think about it. [/quote]

I thought that too. Men need straightforward tasks. They aren’t good at multithreaded complex much like sorting out insurance claims. Honestly, neither are a lot of women. Most people just pay insurance companies what they want because it’s such a hassle. I got so sick of this I changed healthcare systems to university ones that are usually have better billing practices.

Anyway, give you husband simple, straightforward tasks. [/quote]

Can you give examples? I would find that really helpful. They can’t need to be done during the workday (or before 7 really)[/quote]

NP here but for my DH it was pack lunches for kids.  Sure, they eat pop tarts and Oreos most days, but he packs them, buys whatever containers are needed, puts lunch food on the list.  It’s one less thing when I am trying to reset the house at 9 pm for yet another day, and I can let the quality go since I know they eat decent breakfast and lunch.  DH could also have kids buy lunch if he set up an account, but that never happened.

Also, if either of your kids has ADHD, get DH tested if he is willing.  I was able to sell mine on the benefits of an Adderall Rx at work like he was faking the system to work smarter than others.   He wouldn’t have been receptive to the idea that he had any deficit at all, but playing to his competitive side helped.   ADHD meds were helpful for things like remembering appointments and following through.  [/quote]

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