Reply to How do you drop the rope when you have SN kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is OP - so you just do everything? How do you deal with the resentment and stay married? [b]He told me the other day he’s so proud that he’s an amazing husband and father and I just stood there stunned that his bar for himself is apparently on the floor[/b]. I have contemplated divorce in the past but won’t because of the kids. I have told him multiple times how unfair I find all of this and how lonely and I guess he thinks that’s fine? [/quote]

I’d be quick to call out this BS.  I like the PPs idea of color coding everything.  I’d also give him one job—make it a good one.  Like following up on insurance claims.  You know where you’re on hold for 45min and they finally pick up just as you are starting a meeting at work.  I’d tell him what needs to happen with a deadline and the consequence of it not happening.  Then I’d give him the stack of papers and let him know I’ll check in with him next week.  It sucks but I’d manage him like I manage my staff.

At the very least I’d want acknowledgment of all that I do.  I’d want to drive home the point that it is mentally taxing, tedious, and requires keeping track of multiple things.  One thing I like to ask is if I was hit by a car tomorrow how would you continue to support our child.  If the answer is I don’t know then he needs to step up and be a parent to his kid.[/quote]

So I laughed when I read this because this is one of the things I have asked him to do. Guess what? It just doesn’t happen. We have not been reimbursed thousands and thousands of dollars we are entitled to. Because we are comfortable  financially and it doesn’t actually affect the kids I just try not to think about it. [/quote]

If you can afford to not worry about thousands in reimbursement, you need to figure out outsourcing. You need to hire a wife — this is what I did. I’m the poster that kept a nanny for years and years. Pay a premium and pay for full time even if you only have 20 hours of work a week for them. Teach them all the particulars of how you want your laundry done, errands run, etc. It will be worth the up front time you spend on training. They can be there even when you are there as a second set of hands.[/quote]

Does this really exist? I primarily would like to outsource house things over childcare and finding someone who can both deal with my child with behavioral issues and also be willing to make dinner and handle laundry seems really difficult. I don’t know anyone who has found this. We could probably find money for one full time employee but it would be a stretch and I would have to do 100 percent of the management.[/quote]

I’ve had this for a number of years in a southern state. I’ve used college girls, an older nanny and now a woman that does elder care. My current person comes in and runs errands, cooks, does kid laundry and changes bedding, etc. Right now, she comes 12-18 hours a week. I found her through the elder care part of the care website. She is retired and likes having some extra money. If you want someone to do stuff like this while you handle your kid stuff, you can probably find it. [/quote]

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