Reply to He ordered WHAT?!? A lonely yawp to my pocket friends about my pathetic marriage

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hugs, pocket friend OP. I'm sorry you're going though this. You seem really cool and I wish you happiness. [/quote]

NP. Agree, I'm so sorry to read about this, OP. All of it. The most positive thing is that you say you're working up to leaving.

I know this isn't what you want to hear right now but I'm going to just raise it -- I[i]f I missed this in the post, sorry[/i], but are you and he still having sex, even occasionally? Because in your shoes, if I were still having sex with him even occasionally, the stuff you found would make me feel I needed to know if he were having, or had had, sex with anyone else. Let me be clear, I would NOT be asking him in order to shame him about the lingerie and toys if those are his or he has (as you put it yourself) an fetish he was enjoying at home solo during the day. Thats fine, in itself, since you're both done with the relationship as a marriage. I wouldn't even care much about his having other partners if I were in your emotional situation. I just would be concerned about STIs, which are on the rise in a very concerning way in the US. Even emotionally checked out and planning to leave eventually, I'd need to know for my health's sake. Many STIs show no symptoms and can linger for ages before you realize something's wrong.

In fact, as I write this, I'm thinking that I'd likely go get tested, period, whatever he said. If he's already hiding the purchases from you, he may lie when you ask about them/about other sex partners, if he feels ashamed. I get the sense you believe he woulnd't cheat because he just wouldn't make the effort it involves, and you likely are right. But if I were you, I'd just need to be sure that whatever he was doing didn't involve a health risk to me (or to him) -- for your child's sake. Of course this is all predicated on the idea that maybe you and he have sex or have had sex any time recently, which might not be the case.

[/quote]

OP here.  You make very, very good points.  So much so that when I read them this afternoon, I made an appointment for STI testing tomorrow.  (Which you can do as a walk-in at quest after paying online before hand…$129 for 10 tests.  Who knew?)

We have had sex maybe 3 times in the past year.  And your post made me rethink the idea of ignoring this.  Even knowing the likely cost of this foul mood for a long time after, I think I do just need to say what I found and ask for some information about the purchases.  I don’t have much expectation of honesty (he lies very easily) but I think it’s a fair question given that it could impact me physically beyond just adultery as a concept, if he is engaging in with actual people.

My other concern is just that if this is (best case scenario) just his private kink that he indulges in alone using some props and his imagination, that it truly stay private…not something that he’s doing online with partners in a way that would be identifiable or could go public somehow.  And if I can easily find this in his browser, so could our kid not that what I’ve found is horrible or anything, but it’s private adult stuff and needs to stay that way, if that’s what this is.  [/quote]

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