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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]tell him to have his lawyer contact your lawyer if he wants to modify support [/quote]

NP. This, above, really is the way, OP.

Also, it sounds as if you might benefit from more limited contact with your ex. Do you and he share only one child, your DD? What is the custody situation? For instance, is it 50/50 or do you have more custody than that, etc.? I would honestly want to do all pickup/dropoff and kid logistics through emails or an app (there are apps designed just for this, so parents don't have to have any face to face or phone contact at all--some courts/mediators have parents use these apps or sites, I think). If he can only really communicate with you via some app in short posts to arrange pickups etc, he's got less time, and no face time with you, to complain to you.

One thought though-- if he has even partial custody, he may be saying who knows what to her about school, trying to poison her against liking or valuing school.  If he has some custody, does he refuse to take her to her activities and tutoring on "his time"? I'd watch out for that kind of nonsense, if he has any custody time where he's supposed to be doing things like taking her to tutoring or to school events etc. Some parents try to pull the "Not on MY time!" crap and he sounds primed to do that, especially as she gets older and maybe does more activities or shows academic ability. Just be aware that he may be messing with her head about school and tutoring and activities, if he has much custody.

College is frankly essential these days unless you want to go into a trade school (which is fantastic, but I suspect this dad would carp about that too.) I'd be salting away a lot  of money now, and asking the grandparents for donations to her 529 college fund in these coming years rather than big birthday or holiday presents. Because dad's going to be a jerk about college tuition, I'm sure. [/quote]

Thank you for this. Yes, no extra classes on his time. [b]We wasted about $600 on camp and lessons he refused to drive her to, so now only on my time[/b].

I kid you not, this man calls to explain to me the history of English common law and indentured servitude, and that judges have pension bonuses from child support rulings so this is all highly unconstitutional. When daugher was 6 months old, and I wasn't working,  he quit his job because ebola epidemic in Africa and he wouldn't risk contracting it from the international businessmen who visit his office on K Street.

Thanks folks. I think you're right. Talking to or through his lawyer may be the only way. I was infatuated with him, got pregnant unintentionally but age 26 and kept the baby. Now must learn to live with this character.

[/quote]

I'm the PP to whom you're responding. Re: the bold -- that works for now, but as your child gets older, depending on her interests and what she wants to pursue, you will almost surely end up in a bind if she wants to do any activity that requires more time. My DC danced extensively, for instance, and that went from once a week to twice a week to four multi-hour lessons a week and rehearsals on most weekends in the run-up to shows. My friend's DS loved soccer and similiarly, he went from a few practices and a game most weeks to a lot more time in late elementary and middle school. Just as examples. And neither the boy nor my DC were superstars, they just loved their chosen activities. I'm just saying-- be aware that things are fine only on your time now, but if your DD gets a love for some activit and wants to pursue it, you will eventually run into her activity happening in "his time." If it's a group or team activity where her presence at all the practices/rehearals/sessions really matters to the whole group or team, she may run into some issues that can be crushing for a kid, tween or teen.

Another friend's ex tried the whole "I won't take our son to his sports practices on MY time" thing and the boy, not the mom, finally had to tell dad clearly that this really mattered to him and he would eventually be told he couldn't continue with the team if he wasn't at certain practices or missed tournament games etc. The ex finally (grudgingly) did take the son but only after the son spoke up; ex wouldn't listen to a word from mom.

I think I might have read on DCUM about parenting agreements where parents commit to taking a child to activities--you might eventually have to see if a mediator or lawyers can maybe negotiate that later, if your ex continues to be so recalcitrant--??

This sounds like it's all off in the future for you but it's something to bear in mind -- unfortunately. I'm sorry. [/quote]

DP. The default legal arrangement is that each parent gets to decide what to do during “their time.” Otherwise joint custody doesn’t really work. But if one parent acts in a way that isn’t in the best interests of the child, that can be the basis to get more custody or get a court to order the activity. But it would have to be really extreme like the parent refusing  to allow any activities, or not taking the kid to school, etc. There is at least 1 DC case where a parent lost legal custody due to refusing to permit any activities. (Although there was other stuff going on in that case - it does show though that courts recognize activities as in a child’s best interests.)

All that said … of course OP being a sane person wants to avoid the expense of a court battle. So OP just needs to do what she can an eventually coach her daughter to speak up. [/quote]

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