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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Long story short, he reads well above his grade level and have some niche interests that he'll happily discuss with adults all day long. No Asperger's or anything, just a kid who loves to read and loves discussing what he's learned with people who get it, which most of his peers do not. E.g., last month we hired a fishing charter, and he spent most of the time talking to the captain about barques vs. brigantines. Or he'll chat up the poor deadheading pilot next to him on the plane about what kind of approach he thinks we might be flying in this weather. We've had long discussions about how adults usually want quiet and he needs to be very aware for hints they're done talking, but it doesn't seem to be sticking. "But my friends don't know anything about things like this." [b]He will stop talking to someone who appears to be done[/b], but next time he runs across an adult who seems like they might know something about something he's into, he strikes up a conversation again. He's only 10, and [b]adults hate it[/b]. Any advice?[/quote]

These two seem like opposites to me.

Some people are more social than others. If he's talking to an adult, then stopping when they appear bored or done, then striking up another conversation with another adult, that sounds totally fine? And actually pretty advanced for his age? I do feel like most smart, oldest kids I know go through a phase like this right around 10, but if he's actually watching cues and cutting off when the adult is bored or sending signals he's done, then that all sounds great. And if you're watching from the sidelines thinking "I would hate this"... well that's a you problem.

If, however, the other adults are showing signs that THEY hate it - you can help provide the adult with an opportunity to move on. You can insert yourself and redirect him. Or you can insert an opportunity for that person to step away "I'm sure this man needs to focus on driving the boat" that also gives the boat driver a chance to say "oh, nah, we're on cruise control, here let me show you this lever" or whatever. You should also talk to him about being aware when a person is "trapped" - if you're at a party, it's easier for someone to make excuses and walk over to the snack table, if you're on a plane, the person you're talking to is somewhat trapped and you need to lean more on the side of shutting up.

So which of those bolded options this actually is sounds like a critical difference.[/quote]

Ok, truthfully, I don't know if they hate it. I'm not a kid person, and I would hate it, so I'm making a lot of assumptions. I mean...don't most adults hate talking to kids? Especially ones who don't act their age?[/quote]

Personally, I’m a kid person and I enjoy talking to kids.  Moreover, it sounds like he’s old enough to interact intelligently on topics of mutual interest which most people love.  I’d rather talk with a kid who is sincerely interested and possibly somewhat knowledgeable about the topic at hand than an adult who doesn’t know or particularly want to know about my area of interest.

Yes, kids (like adults) should respect that others aren’t always interested to converse and aren’t obligated to do so.  They should respect social cues that indicate someone is bored or otherwise not interested in conversation.  But you’re not detecting those cues either.  That indicates that they are fine with the conversation and you may be the only one who has a problem.

I think kids are too often devalued.  They may not know as many facts to inform their reasoning, but they are quite capable of reasoning.  (Let’s face it, a lot of adults aren’t very well informed either.). In areas of specific interest, kids can become very knowledgeable and have discussions with nuance and depth.  I think you should let your child converse with adults (safely, of course), unless you detect a clear indication that they want to extricate themselves from the conversation.  Moreover, I think you should put aside your prejudice against children and have more conversations with him.  They don’t have to be “kid conversations”.  It sounds like he’d be willing and able to talk about any number of subjects.  Talk about current events, history, science, politics, philosophy, whatever you find interesting.  Just pay attention to his social cues, because he might find certain topics somewhat boring himself.  Also, keep it conversational and don’t turn it into a lecture.

Enjoy these moments.  Before you know it he’ll be grown and by the time you recognize what an amazing individual he is, he’ll be moving away and building an independent life with fewer opportunities for interaction.[/quote]

+1. Good answer.

My oldest was like this as well. Just a curious kid who lacked the shyness gene. As long as they're not somewhere on the spectrum and can read social cues, it's fine. I think a lot of adults with some kind of speciality, whether flying or geology, would be totally happy talking to some 10 year old who shared the same passions. [/quote]

FYI the spectrum is a spectrum. A lot of people monologue or have intense “special interests” who are not formally diagnosed. [/quote]

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