Reply to DD24 doesn’t drive, no real friends and no real job

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[quote=Anonymous]
OP - It is easy to get into a pattern (I am the prior poster with the family therapy approach) as I stopped as I had a call come in to take.  I know the pattern as we have a daughter in her late thirties who lives with us and she has a moderate level of developmental disability which prevents her from driving.  Still she has a part-time job (mid-day) in college dining room three days a week and volunteers on Fridays at the senior center at lunch time doing tables.  She also does weekly outings with a college student in our community including going to the fitness center she belongs to (and needs someone to help her on equipment ), bowling, swimming, hiking area trails etc.  and a couple of times a week in the summers.  She also takes weekly piano lessons which gives her something to keep learning and to also do that she enjoys in her free time and participates in group activities with the local adaptive recreation program.  She also does her laundry, vacuums/dusts her level of the house, helps prepare meals as she can.  Your daughter is not her, and yet in many ways is becoming even more limited in future independence.

I do understand that it is upsetting to make changes in the lifestyle which you all have adapted, too, and have been used to, BUT it is key that you and DH do so.  In our case, it is not just looking at the financial piece, but we do need to involve her sisters at some point when we are no longer able to care for her.  But this should not become your reality with a daughter who has severe anxiety.  By the way, our oldest daughter has it and touches base with her therapist weekly and is on medication.  It was not diagnosed till age 18, but she met her educational goals, has a full-time flexible job, married and has children.  She came to understand what she needs to do to keep her anxiety in balance, which includes exercise and therapy, and has been able to have full life.  It was harder to see her struggle than the youngest in many ways.  So please get the professional supoprt you and DH need to give your daughter the chance at a full life.

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