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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
 Limit your conversations with attorneys. They were bad advisors for matters dealing with …life. Business books say the same thing.

Also, they spoke to my worst nature (think of that cartoon devil on your shoulder) during the worst period of my life.  Probably not ALL are like this, like most things

But attorneys strong financial incentive to create conflict is real. that was my felt experience.  Meanwhile, you might have to live with the guy/gal for the rest of your life. 
[/quote]

Totally agree. Spend a good 3-6 months trying to divorce without them.[/quote]

I actually disagree. It sounds like there was some kind of big betrayal and OP may not be able to negotiate on her own effectively. And if the other party is unreasonable or unable to organize themselves, then it’s also going to be impossible to do it on your own. With kids especially you also need to know all the provisions to include, like how to handle relocation, etc.

DIY divorce works best if there are no assets/kids and the parties are basically reasonable - eg a starter marriage that just fell apart. But add in complications (which OP’s post suggest exist) and you really do need a lawyer.

There’s no need to hire a lawyer who will take a maximalist or aggressive position. You can seek out a “collaborative practice” lawyer. Or just instruct your lawyer that you want the agreements to be comprehensive but fair and reasonable from the outset.

My personal experience is that trying to make it work without a lawyer was a waste of time & eventually money. First I tried drafting agreements myself but my exDH was too unreasonable and unwilling to negotiate sanely about things like steps to sell the house and was not able to absorb everything that needed to be absorbed (eg all the details about custody schedules). Then we tried “divorce coordinators” who were sort of helpful to point out items that should be considered (eg how to split holidays) but not helpful at all in getting a finalized agreement, and also too pushy in trying to judge and change a few provisions xDH and I had already agreed on. Finally we each just got lawyers and it’s much smoother when the lawyers talk to each other.

tl;dr - many/most divorces involve people who cannot communicate effectively and disagree constantly. expecting them to be able to agree on financial/custody provisions alone is not realistic. [/quote]
NP collaborative law works if you’re dealing with a partner is honest, reasonable and willing to collaborate.  Otherwise it’s a waste of time and money. [/quote]

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