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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html

Read this, OP, and see if you recognize yourself. But you won't.[/quote]

It isn't always the parents.   It's often mental illness.  [/quote]

This is true. It's also true that "going no-contact" is a crude and childish way of dealing with a problematic relationship. Part of being a mentally healthy, mature adult is developing the skills to navigate relationships that don't perfectly align with your demands.[/quote]

Yes and no.  I have no mental illness (I think my mother does).  I went no contact with her after years and years of her trampling my boundaries and scapegoating me.  The final straw was when she got into an argument with my 3 year old over something childish and then told me I was a bad mother when I supported my 3 year old instead of siding with her.  I was NC for 2 years.  She never stopped trying to contact me (I was ok with that. I didn't block her. I ignored her).  After a while, I decided on some boundaries and now we have an ok-ish relationship.  I wanted my kids to have grandparents (they are mostly sweet grandparents and I didn't want my relationship to get in the way).  WHEN she tramples my boundaries, I leave.  I limit contact and we start the process all over again.   As I said I think she has a mental illness so she wont/can't change and I need to protect myself and my children.  I also don't leave my children alone with her, it's one of my boundaries.

OP continue to look for her WITHOUT AN INVESTIGATOR, that would have pushed me much farther away, because it's so incredibly invasive.  Write her a letter apologizing.  YES YOU NEED TO APOLOGIZE!  She feels ostracized by you for some reason.  Let her know you will love her always unconditionally.  (If you don't because she's gay or something, please leave her alone until YOU realize that as a parent that is your role).  Eventually, she'll come around.  If it's really that she's mentally ill, she'll respond at some point.  My guess is you've totally trampled all over her in some way and she needs space.  BTW I'm the most successful of my parents children - the others are still enmeshed and struggle with mental health themselves.[/quote]

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