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[quote=Anonymous]My husband and I both have flexible jobs, but we use that flexibility judiciously. I do not go to every single school event, field trip, sport’s competition, etc. just because I can.

Find kid dentists and pediatricians with evening or weekend appointments. They exist. You or your spouse should be there to hear feedback. If your child has a regular therapy appointment 1-3x a week for speech, PT, etc. I think it’s ok to send a grandparent or babysitter. I would arrange with the therapist that you will attend on a set interval- once a month? Every 2 weeks?

My kids are elementary age and pretty independent. If your kids are anxious,
high maintenance, or younger this may not work. We occasionally both have early meetings in person and we send our kids to a neighbor’s home after breakfast until it’s time to walk to school. Same with evening events and dinners - sometimes a neighbor gets our kids from extended day. Sometimes grandparents or a babysitter pick them up and take them to sports. This occurs once a week on average. In exchange I pick a day off school that is not a federal holiday 2-3 times a year and take off work. I offer to host the children of the neighbors who help me out for an all-day play date so those parents can work. If I’m gone before they wake up, I am home for dinner that night. If I know I won’t get home before they are asleep, I make breakfast and walk them to school that day.

We try to have at least 1 parent at any sports competition. If we cannot go, my parents attend. We do not go to all practices and use car pools to share the burden. My husband and I try to each attend 1 school day event or chaperone 1 field trip per kid, per school year.

I grew up as an only child of parents who were always available. My dad worked 7-4 at a factory. My mom was a teacher. My parents had hobbies. They were both frequently gone in the evening for book club, golf league, garden club, bible study, or just to go on a date. They left me at my grandparents house one weekend a month and 1-2 week in the summer. They both had jobs that they could not leave mid-day without taking a day off. They never came to any school-day events or field trips.

My husband grew up with a dad who commuted to Manhattan from NJ and he was never home before 7:30pm. His dad would try to come to 1 weeknight sporting event per kid, per season. His mom wasn’t always there because she had to also take his younger sisters to their events. Multiple times when his dad was working for a foreign company, his mom would go to London or Munich for 1-2 weeks during the school year and leave the kids with a babysitter.

We are both well adjusted adults with close relationships with our parents. [/quote]

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