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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]14:57 best answer I think I have ever seen on this forum.[/quote]

For those who are looking for a kindly worded rationalization of wrong behavior, it was perfect. [/quote]

I agree with you that we never really know what goes on in a marriage, but I also know that my dad's ultimately very public infidelity screwd up both of his kids, me especially.  Took me years to figure out what a good relationship was about.  Many people of my dad's generation would probably  tell you there was more to his story a la your post... (mom is no charmer) but I am fairly certain I was innocent here, and I was most certainly harmed.[/quote]

I'm in total agreement with you and not the original poster whose comments I described as a "kindly worded rationalization"--which I meant as just that, a rationalization. I have several close friends and a couple of family members who suffered terribly as a result of public affairs. One of the adulterers had two families--one secretly. I'm truly sorry for your pain and hope that you have found or will find someone who truly understands the word "commitment."[/quote]

I can't help it.  I become that kid wondering where my dad was and why he was secretive about letting us know how to reach him.  I understand why my parents divorced.  But the period before any divorce process ..it still felt like it was selfish and cowardly to have an affair rather than to try to either work things out and save the marriage or start divorce proceedings.  People have a choice to not get married, so I feel even if you had the crappiest childhood ever, if anything it should make you not want to get married or determined not to f it up of you do.

I think the exception areas for me is if both parties are agreeing it is an open marriage and basically both people have agreed it is okay to have your cake and eat it too so to speak or it is a situation where the person is fearful to get out of the situation, has been threatened in some way if they try to divorce.  Short of those two things you need to fish or cut bait.  I would probably stay silent if a friend talked about cheating on a spouse but in my mind, I wouldn't think of the person the same way and sure as heck wouldn't help them rationalize it.[/quote]

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