Reply to Please help! Should elderly mom with dementia come on annual beach trip -- siblings disagree!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Taking her would be selfish.  It would be based on a fantasy that things would be like they used to, and that she would be upset not to join you.

Truth is, she would have no idea she missed the trip.  And if she made the trip, there might be a few moments that go well but it would be disruptive to everyone, most of all her.  Maybe you could have some toasts to her/stories about her one evening on your trip.  So you're honoring good memories of her.  But to take her is selfish and delusional.[/quote]

While I agree it’s a bad idea (and I posted earlier about not bringing my own mother who has dementia on trips anymore), your wording is a bit callous and harsh. Op is not selfish or delusional for considering this - it’s totally natural, and frankly selfless, to want to push ourselves to give our loved ones experiences that once brought them joy in these precious moments they have left. The sad reality is that, due to this disease, they wouldn’t experience it that way. People with dementia need their routines and small, safe environment to keep them stable and calm.

Sending strength to you, OP. These are hard times but you are not alone. [/quote]

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