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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm very pro working hard, being focused on career. That said, my kid with pretty minor SNs did not thrive in after care.  There are some kids with sensory needs, intensity needs, depression, anxiety, etc (basically, the pretty common SNs that kids have - probably impacting 10-15% of the population) really shouldn't be in a 10 hour school setting. My kid was a kid who needed to be picked up at 3 and decompress by himself at home.  In 5th grade now, and he's still very much that way, and not much into after school activities.  So dropping a kid in aftercare isn't just a "that's just what parents have to do" answer for these kids. And OP said her preschool kid has SNs. Sure, some parents have no choice. But reality is here that these parents DO have a choice.  So assuming the younger kid will struggle in all day childcare, your DH is essentially picking: his mental health or the kid's mental health. [/quote]

Op here. This is a big part of the issue for me. My younger DC has ADHD and a language disorder and really does not do well with a super long day. Even with our current schedule, he is very obviously overwhelmed, overstimulated, and exhausted. Putting him in a long care situation is not desirable for me.

Thanks again for all of the suggestions. I realize some of this probably sounds defensive or like I don’t want to solve a solvable problem.  I really want my DH to be happier — I just am scared of change and worried about my kids’ happiness and well-being. If I had a magic wand, I’d trade places with him or quit my job but that’s not the reality at the moment. Perhaps this new opportunity would be a stepping stone to get there though. [/quote]

My opinion? Put your marriage first. It can be really demoralizing when people have to continue to make sacrifices for their kids’ special circumstances. It puts a tremendous amount of strain on relationships. People deserve to have jobs they enjoy and that can lead to even better opportunities.   We usually move heaven and earth for our kids, but I strongly believe we adults needs to also look out for our mental health too.  I would avoid looking at this from a position that’s he sacrificing his son for himself. That’s a very toxic and inaccurate way of approaching it. Good luck OP![/quote]

yikes[/quote]

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