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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
If she has anxiety, is on the spectrum, etc, it was highly disrespectful and insensitive of your husband to put her in a situation where she needed to have a meltdown in order for her legitimate needs to be met.

I have a husband and son on the spectrum. There is conflict because my husband struggles to be flexible with his son - it’s part of the issue of having autism yourself, with all the mental rigidity that goes with it, yet have to interact with a child who cannot be flexible either. Autistic people get on better with highly socially-attuned adults who have the socio-emotional breadth to easily accommodate their foibles.

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Me again, coming back to add that I am usually the person who can persuade my son to do something he initially refused to do when his father asked. This is because his father will peremptorily demand, and then it instantly turns into a battle of wills, where my husband will refuse to listen to any of my son's stated reasons for not doing the task or activity. Whereas I listen, and more often than not, I can find ways to explain to my son that he has the ability to do whatever it is. But this requires diplomacy, tact, putting yourself in someone else's shoes and seeing things from their point of view... something my husband has difficulty doing, since he's on the spectrum. And there are times when the parent just needs to accept that the child really cannot do what is asked of them, like in your situation.

Parenting is always a fine line between accommodating and pushing. It's made even harder when parents have their own issues that they pass on to their children. The parent has reduced parenting effectivenes, and the child has reduced ability to adapt. Unsurprisingly, family life gets more complicated.

Hang in there, OP, and extract every moment of happiness out of your vacation. I've found I needed to become very deliberate when savoring moments of joy, with a family like mine.

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