Reply to Husband of 10 years says he doesn’t want kids or a suburban life

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Likely when you were dating, the kids and suburban life was some ideal mirage that seemed okay.

He’s older now, and has friends who have had kids and he knows the stories from the trenches: lack of sleep, whiney kids and teens, expensive daycare and activities, and the biggie: decline in sex because DW is wiped out caring for kids.

You waited to long, he knows what I really means to “have a baby” — it’s a lifetime of commitment and sacrifice.

He probably expects you to leave and he can date a younger model and repeat the cycle. [/quote]

Op here. I am thinking this too. He doesn’t like to be inconvenienced and has a short discomfort tolerance and he is more curmudgeonly as he gets older.

I thought he would become more mature but it’s the opposite case here. [/quote]

At least he’s being honest with you.

My DH was in a similar headspace but didn’t voice it, we had a kid, and now he complains a lot about how inconvenient DC is, and he does NOT step up in the way I thought he would. Having a child changed my life, I think for the better, by giving me something truly meaningful to dedicate myself to. He didn’t seem to get that.

He has finally come around and seems to now understand that this is the major project of our lives and is worth working hard for. But it took 6 years and only got better when both DC was in school. The baby/toddler years were incredibly hard on me and I felt like a single mom much of the time.

At least he’s self aware about this. My DH just refused to admit to himself that he wasn’t ready for kids, and then refused to grow up even once he had one. And that’s why we only have one.[/quote]

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