Reply to How did you survive your husband’s mid life crisis?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't understand why this is your job to manage. It's almost like you've taken on your DH as another kid.

I'd be fine with the hobbies and purchases....but would draw the line at the "new personality". He's grumpy? Tired of being a dad? He was a willing participant in the decisions that led up to this point in his life, right? So sorry the consequences of the sex he had many years ago is too much for him to handle now.

Is he still able to emotionally connect with you on a relationship level....or is he just a big whinny ball of complaints at this point? 
[/quote]

You think your approach will help fix the problem? Your position here is logically defensible, but [b]if there are things that OP can do to help make her DH happier[/b] and her marriage stronger, isn't that worth considering? If those things burden her more than they help her, then probably she shouldn't bother. But if they ultimately help her more than they burden her, she should probably go ahead and do them even if, logically, "she shouldn't have to." [/quote]

You cannot make [b]somebody like this happier[/b]. This really is his own period of emotional turmoil to manage and he needs to do it in a way that doesn't bring down the whole family. Sometimes, yes, putting your foot down and demanding better is the way to fix the problem.

-DP[/quote]

Just to be clear - a husband who works out, changes his wardrobe, takes up new hobbies, drinks somewhat more, buys a car, gets grumpy dealing with unpleasant teens, and is feeling bored with life -- this is somebody who you can't help make happier? Because the husband OP describes doesn't seem at all unusual or even all that problematic. This isn't some kind of sociopathic edge case. Just sounds like a restless suburban dad.

[/quote]

Is that your standard for acceptable behavior? Not sociopathic? He’s being a grumpy wet blanket. I’d accept that and even validate it for a period of time but not for long.

And no I personally don’t think OP can do anything to make him happier. He needs to make emotional peace with the fact that doors are closed, that this is his life, and there is no going back. Once he does that he can start noticing how good he has it and I bet at that point he and OP can mutually make each other happier but until then? No. [/quote]

No, sociopath isn't the bar. But I think a wife and other people can be helpful in allowing a normal, restless middle age dad break out of a funk. Telling him he's a big f**king baby who should deal with his own emotions and leave everyone else out of it, throwing up her hands, and doing nothing because she shouldn't have to doesn't seem like the most productive way of navigating the situation. [/quote]

Well nobody said that she should call him a big ducking baby but calling him out like that with some tough love might actually be a good idea. I would never do it but different people respond to different things!

How do you think she can be helpful in allowing him to break out of a funk? (not sure exactly what you mean by that but let’s go with it.) How could she make him happier? I’m starting to suspect that you’re a guy and your answer would be for OP to give her husband blow jobs that she doesn’t really want to give but if it’s not that I am curious what you think she could do. [/quote]

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