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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You need to do more for yourself.  Yes, it will hurt some but that is expected.  You sound like you are being too demanding.[/quote]

NP. What is with you and other posters choosing to bash OP and not address the real question? OP is not here to talk about the surgery, what kind it was, why OP was sent home when OP was sent home, blah blah...OP wants to know what to do re: a spouse who is not willingly or kindly helping and who seems to show no concern in OP's eyes. JFC, this forum is full of "hate the OP" posters, not just on this post but on most posts for a while now. How about answering OP's question as OP asked it and not focusing on details you don't know like how much pain OP is in and whether OP should just tough it out?

To OP, be direct. Very direct. When the kids are settled and not likely to come in and when mom is not around, tell your spouse you need to have a frank and blunt talk, and say that you want to be clear you need more day to day, hands-on assistance than paid caregivers and an elderly mom can provide, but you perceive that spouse is resentful and balky about helping you physically. I'd ask spouse: Is this because you don't like the idea of illness/injury in general? (Some people are just crap whenever others are not physically perfect, frankly, and freak out about injury/illness/surgery. That is NOT an excuse and spouse should suck it up). Or is it because you (spouse) are resentful of my surgery for some reason? (Does spouse feel you "brought this on yourself" or whatever?)

I'd be clear: "I need you to help me X before the paid help gets here. It's too much for mom and the kids should not be doing this" or whatever.

List the tasks you feel you need help with, and also be blunt about how you perceive your spouse is unwilling, and ask why.

I'd also send mom home unless she's there to help with the kids. In fact I'd tell her and spouse that mom is there only for the kids. She's elderly. I bet your spouse is going, "Whew, let MIL deal with this, then." Nope. Nip that. [/quote]

I’m sorry, did I miss a vote where we elected you board monitor? I didn’t think so, so your scolding and attempt to tell others what to post is unneeded.

And if she’s being a prima donna over a minor surgery and expecting him to drop everything and baby her multiple times a day, that’s absolutely relevant to the discussion. Sorry, Becky.[/quote]

:roll:  :lol:

Are you new to DCUM? We're all about scolding! I can call out the nasty "OP is at fault" PPs all I like and if you want to call me board monitor, I don't care.

You too are free to assume that OP is "being a prima donna" all you like. And I'm free to say you know nothing about whether she is "expecting him to drop everything to baby her." Huge assumption on your part. See how that works? You're operating on nothing but your own assumptions, not on what OP's posted. Not that you care as long as you get to fabricate your own Nasty OP scenario. And I can point that out all I like. Great, isn't it?

Oh, and your attempt to make "Becky" the new "Karen" for board monitors is adorable. If you're 14. [/quote]

DP.  She isn’t “unable” to get out of bed.  She just doesn’t want to without pampering.  That isn’t “nasty,” but her husband probably got the post-op instructions that she should, and she doesn’t remember them because she was still feeling the Versed.  Even worse if she is on narcotics.

I have done several post-op cares for my mother, and her drug-induced haze memory is far from reality.  I told her next time she has to go to a rehab because I couldn’t make her do the things the doc said she had to do.  [/quote]

Ah, now it's clear: You're projecting your experience with your mom onto the OP's experience. You simply assume OP demands "pampering" and You Don't Pamper, we sure get that. Sorry, but OP is not your mom, and her DH is not you, and you have zero ways to be so very certain OP is dealing with a "drug-induced haze memory" based on post-op instructions or anything else. You also have no idea what OP wants or how much it hurts or doesn't hurt her to get out of bed. [/quote]

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