Reply to Should I cave? Mother's bday edition.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would let your siblings create their own adult relationship with their mother. Maybe that doesn’t include gifts. And maybe your mom is fine either way. Stand back and let them all work it out. [/quote]

This. Your mom is an adult. If her birthday is important to her, she needs to let your siblings know. If she is hurt by how they treat her on her birthday, she needs to let them know. Or not.

[/quote]

Nothing here is wrong, but it is missing context.  The mom in this situation for years has had all of her children chip in on a gift for her birthday, all without her needing to say anything.  Why would she have said something now? If that all of a sudden stops and she has no reason why, she could be understandably hurt.

So the question is whether OP does nothing (a change from years of traditional behavior) and let's her mother be hurt on her 70th birthday.  That is not a choice I would make.  I care more about my mother not being hurt on her birthday that standing in my righteousness against my siblings.

I do however agree that OP should make very clear that this is the last time she is the only one putting in effort.  I also think OP should examine how she is being used by her siblings and change it.  But the time to do that is not hours before a milestone birthday.[/quote]

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