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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Forgiveness (to me) does not mean that trust has been reinstated. It simply means acknowledging that the past cannot be changed, but one must still move forward and not remain stagnant. It allows me to move on.

- Atheist, raised Muslim
[/quote]

But do you let the person who hurt you have another chance at hurting you again?[/quote]

I am Hindu and forgiveness is not a big focus. Dharma and staying on the righteous path oneself is important. Treating others well etc.

Personally, and reflective of that tradition, I think forgiveness can be helpful in some situations to help the wronged person move on. But there is no obligation to forgive someone or grant them some kind of absolution so that the person who did the wrongdoing can feel better about themselves. (Not saying that other religions require it in that way - but I have sometimes seen ppl repeatedly wrong others and then expect forgiveness, which I think puts an unfair burden back on the victim.)[/quote]

Not Hindu but this is most in line with my personal sense of spirituality and ethics (I'm a secular humanist).

Forgiveness must come from within the wronged party and I think an obligation (whether religious or cultural or social) to forgive tends to re-victimize the wronged party or can become a form of victim-blaming. Also, I most often see the imperative to forgive applied when the offending party is in a position of power. I was raised Catholic and recall conversations about forgiveness in the Church in the 90s regarding sexual abuse and it was one of the reasons I left the church -- it was very clear that much of the preaching about forgiveness was driven by the desire to absolve people who abused their power, and not to help heal those who were so horribly harmed by that abuse of power, or to repair the community or rebuild trust. I have seen this repeated in other situations where people in power horribly transgressed -- there is a push for forgiveness and "moving on" that is entirely self-serving. I have no interest in that.

I have found in my own life that sometimes it is useful to let go of the idea of forgiveness, especially if it feels wrong or uncomfortable to do so, and instead focus on my own actions and wellbeing. I have learned it is possible to let go of hurt and anger without forgiving, to simply... let go. I don't want my hurt and anger to lead me to violate my own moral code, nor do I want to live inside the hurt forever.[/quote]

This sounds very healthy.  Thanks for posting.

A question for you -- "secular humanist" is like "atheist", right?  You don't believe in god.   The difference is that the first says that you are a good person who doesn't believe in god, while the second just says you don't believe in god.[/quote]

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