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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I overheard our DS talking to his girlfriend, telling her how her family is so amazing and his family is just doesn't feel like family.  He wasn't really trash talking but kind of saying that he cannot wait to be on his own and he thinks he is in a very bad environment at our house, and our family is a mess.  He is going to college next year.  I tried to examine our family dynamic with the therapist and be as objective as I can.  We are not super harmonic and vibrant, but not dysfunctional.  There are definitely things that we could be better at, but I genuinely think we are a decent family and environment.  It hurts me especially because my family was such a mess and all these years I made a point to treat my kids differently.  I don't mean to make this about myself, but it feels like a huge fail on my part if he feels this way.  Unless it is normal behavior for teenagers (he is the oldest) and his way of building his independence from us?  He acts very estranged and barely talks to us. He refuses any family activity but then complains to her that his family never does things together.  Please tell me it will get better.

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It's not an uncommon phenomenon. My nearly 20-year-old DD has weirdly engaged in some weird fantasy in her later adolescence that she had a terrible childhood, when in fact [b]her only real trauma was the divorce of her parents when she was 15 (a divorce she advocated for, I might add)[/b]. She also surrounds herself with people who have legit tragedy in their lives -- dead parents, dead siblings, actual poverty, actual abuse, alcoholic parents. It's almost like she fetishizes this idea that she had a horrible upbringing. Just last month she was telling my brother's friends her parents don't feed her, etc. (But when she comes home from college, she basically expects to be waited on hand and foot, including meals).

I still don't know what to make of it and it's very hard to not take personally since she never wanted for anything, had every advantage and support, and was always loved, supported and secure growing up.

I just keep hoping she grows out of it. [/quote]

There is so much wrong here, no wonder your dd isn't happy with her childhood. A 15 year old is a child and shouldn't have been consulted about her parents' marriage and divorce. If, at the time, she inserted herself in the discussion, a *healthy parent with healthy boundaries would lovingly explain that it was a matter between adults and that, no matter what happens, her parents would continue to love and take care of her and that she would be okay.[/quote]

This.[/quote]

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