Reply to Sharing an ASD dx with child when you're not sure if you buy it

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would tell him that he has things in common with people who have autism, here is what they are and how we will help him handle those things.

We have a kid this age and have talked about autism with him at intervals because it’s relevant (his friends, our friends, characters in books, etc). So in our case this would not be a stigmatizing “big reveal.”[/quote]

Op I think this is the ticket. 
I guess I don’t think ds is distressed by things that would be explained or relieved by telling him he has autism. He is distressed more by things that fall into the category of rejection sensitivity disorder - Eg we can say ‘don’t leave all your dirty clothes on the floor’ and he feels like we are ‘being mean’. I have actually tried to ask him stuff like - do you ever find it hard to know what others are thinking or feeling or why something might upset someone’ etc etc and he says no. Hence why it’s a puzzle. But I could talk to him about needing alone time sometimes and being inflexible in terms of autistic traits and see how that goes and how it goes with him overall for a little while [/quote]

If he is having outsized reactions to things that an NT person might take more in stride, that can be reflective of autism. Your original post talks about your son having more emotional reactions to things and needing more emotional regulation, and these reactions could be a product of autism that he is blaming on himself (lack of ability to control his emotions).’ If he thinks he is neurotypical, fwiw. [/quote]

But outsized emotional reactions is not part of the key criteria for autism - although it may be a result. Emotional regulation is more hallmark of adhd. Autism dx requires:

Difficulties in social emotional reciprocity, including trouble with social approach, back and forth conversation, sharing interests with others, and expressing/understanding emotions.
Difficulties in nonverbal communication used for social interaction including abnormal eye-contact and body language and difficulty with understanding the use of nonverbal communication like facial expressions or gestures for communication.
Deficits in developing and maintaining relationships with other people (other than with caregivers), including lack of interest in others, difficulties responding to different social contexts, and difficulties in sharing imaginative play with others.[/quote]

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