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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I socialized a ton this weekend, including attending a barbecue where I didn’t know anyone very well (neighborhood thing I attended with DH and DC).

I have been tossing and turning all night replaying conversations and feeling awkward and miserable about them. At the BBQ, in particular, I felt so awkward. The adults there separated by gender, so I felt forced to go join the women, and it was just a hard group to join. Several of them knew each other a little and there was little effort to include those of us who didn’t. I had to work hard to make conversation and now I wonder if I came off rude or weird.

I just hate that feeling if talking to strangers and being unable to read their expression and feeling like they all dislike you even though what you are saying is benign and probably they are just neutral. Just hard when people don’t make the extra effort to be friendly or welcoming.

Men have it easier, I think. It’s more acceptable for them to be silent and I feel like their conversation topics tend to be less loaded. Women at these things always want to talk about parenting, schools, and similar topics which I think are more loaded and there are minefields, especially if you don’t know the other parents so you don’t know if they will be offended by something that seems normal to you.[/quote]

I'm so sorry this happened to you and can absolutely relate.  It can be really difficult to join a group of people that already know one another and be the one outsider.  It can make us feel isolated and lonely.  It can make us feel sad.  It makes us feel like no one likes us or wants to be around us.  It feels really weird to just randomly join a few people talking.

Men aren't a lot better.  For one thing, they have a few specific topics that they love to discuss.  Unless you're knowledgeable about them, it's going to be difficult to be part of that conversation.  If a man tries to talk to you about football for instance and you don't like football, he will change to basketball or baseball.  Once it's obvious that you don't like sports at all, he will switch to something else.  Money management or politics.  Possibly video games or food.  Ultimately though, if there's a large group of men standing around, they're probably talking about sports.  IF you don't like sports, it's hard to integrate into it.

You can't completely avoid these types of situations but where possible, I don't even do them any more.  The way I look at it is this, I have a limited number of hours and days on this planet.  Do I want to spend them interacting in these types of situations or not?  The answer is, when possible, I would prefer not to.  I spend my time with my family.  I spend my time with my friends.  I don't see the value in choosing to go to a BBQ with strangers that want to argue about the state of the school system.  If I have to do it for some reason then sure but I'd prefer to go to a friend's BBQ than a neighbor's for example.  Unless the neighbor is a friend.[/quote]

Where are all these people who live in TV sitcom stereotypes?

This is DC. I spent the weekend at a barbecue getting lectured about federal regulatory policy enforcement. [/quote]

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