Reply to Why isn’t it socially acceptable to say that you regret having kids?

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[quote=Anonymous]I grew up with two parents who had me intentionally but clearly regretted me. They both said so clearly (‘I married your mother because she told me she couldn’t have kids’ - doctors had told her it was unlikely after several miscarriages in first marriage) and acted so clearly in showing indifference, coldness, even cruelty and so little love I can count those memories without needing all my fingers and toes.

Because of my own childhood experience this has been a subject of nearly obsessive interest for years - compounded by my own unplanned childlessness and years of grief over not getting to be a mom despite years of desperately wanting it and having a heart full of love with nowhere to go.

I think a lot of parents regret parenthood. I think it would be enormously helpful to all involved to shatter the taboo and open the conversation where parents can say, you’re a good person and I’m glad you exist in this world and I love you very much, but I was not cut out for parenting and I often regret bitterly the choice I made to become a parent.

I think many people who regret parenting don’t cope with their feelings about it, so instead they project onto their child that the wrong is in the child and not in them. Imagine if they could be encouraged to admit that they just suck at parenting and there is nothing wrong with their child. A much healthier solution to the remaining obligations of parenthood could be achieved if all this stuff was out in the open.

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