Reply to Why isn’t it socially acceptable to say that you regret having kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have less problem with the sentiment and more with how it is expressed and how self-referential a worldview this expression reflects. Once a child is born, it’s not yours to regret—they are their own person, not tantamount to a house you now have buyers remorse for purchasing.

I think if folks expressed it “I regret not anticipating how difficult parenting would be for me” or “I am saddened by how much of parenting I dislike” or even “I’m embarrassed by how much I resent the sacrifices of being a parent” it would be much more sympathetic and much less dehumanizing for the kid.[/quote]

I don't think saying "I regret having kids" is any more self-referential than actually having kids, or saying you are happy you had kids for that matter. [/quote]

How can it NOT be? It is basically saying on the question of whether it is better for ME that these kids should exist, I vote “no!” (as if my personal preferences should have any relevance to the value of another human’s existence).[/quote]

I don’t think that a parent regretting the decision to have kids is a commentary on the value of that child’s existence. I’m sure you know of people who shouldn’t have had kids but did, and your assessment doesn’t mean the kids have lesser value than any other person.

And the act of having a child is pretty selfish. You’re saying that in spite of the fact that you are flawed and will parent imperfectly and mess your kid up in some way, and in spite of the fact that every human will experience pain and some will have severe illnesses etc., *you* want them to exist, so you are going to bring them into this world whether they want it or not. And this isn’t to say that people shouldn’t have kids! I do and I adore them and I love being their mom! But you are centering yourself when you choose to have kids, just like somebody is when they say they wished they hadn’t. [/quote]

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